Trying to be Positive

Hey everyone. 

So I think I'm a pretty positive person. 

I try to not bring other people down by being mean or sad all the time(much unlike one of my friends). 

I'm a selfish person, but at the same time not so much. 

I'm selfish when it comes to physical things, however not so much emotionally. 

I mean this as in, if I'm sad/upset/angry I would not say anything to my friends to bring them down too, however when it comes to things I could hold in my hands I would do anything for them. If that makes sense. 

I'm always regarded as selfish though. And when meeting new people, they never seem to care what how I try to make sure everyone else happy, only about the things I have etc. 

Which is tough for me because I've always been sort of negative. 

[DO NOT continue reading if things easily depress/upset you] 

Okay not always but ever since around five-ish years ago, I started to realize a lot of things. 

For example, 

I realized I really don't believe in god or the afterlife. 

Which lead to darker thoughts.

Such as, 

I don't want to die. 

After I'm dead it wouldn't matter though. 

Nothing would matter. 

And then I realized nothing really matters. 

And what's this all for? 

Wake up, eat, work, eat, work, eat, work, sleep, repeat. 

I don't care if it's not work but it's all a little pointless.

And then I came to the conclusion that suicide isn't a terrible option. 

I think about this a lot. 

There isn't a day I don't think about this, even if it's very brief.

Some days, it's worse than others, some days it doesn't bother me. On good days I figure that's why I should make the most of life, on bad days I have trouble even getting by. 

That's all I have for now.

Bye guys. 

Justifying my entry...

Hey everyone! 

I know I just posted two days ago, but it's a 3 day weekend for me and I've got no plans so I'm finding myself with a lot of freetime. 

Before I get to today's topic I would just like to list my goals here so I can easily check back to them. I have decided to post here and on Jamaa Times at least once a week, or at least try to. 

Okay now on to the title.
'Justifying my entry' isn't very explanatory, but lets just say, every year there's this contest (I don't know if it's only in my state or if it's across the country so I'm not going to go into detail about it), and this year the theme was "to make the world a better place" I wasn't going to enter, however, my art teacher made my class enter. Since I was one of the first to finish the project we started prior to the contest, I had plenty of time to get started. I prompted our teacher with questions about size limits, then got started. I sketched out some items and before I knew it the period was over. The following day I sat in my seat thinking back to some pictures I saw on tumblr the night before, and decided that I wanted to do some crayon melting instead of painted. So I asked the teacher and she said she believed I could do it and so then this weekend I got started on it. 

I'm not going to upload a picture because if I did I could get in trouble for 'stealing it' (even thou it's mine).  Anyway here's the description, its got four people standing under an 12" umbrella, protecting them from the melted crayon, which I made rainbow-y. The person holding the umbrella the umbrella has a small pink heart on their chest. 

Now I would just like to justify it.
I choose to use the melted crayon because I feel like it represented how crazy and random life can be. I made the background rainbow-y because I feel like it showed everything and anything life can get. I painted the person holding the umbrella with a small pick heart to show that the world would be a better place if more people were kinder and cared for others.Lastly, I used silhouettes of people because I didn't want make it specific races or genders.

I know the justifying bit was awfully short but I accidentally refreshed the page and lost all the things I wrote about it so I shortened it. Now before you say I'm homophobic because I had an umbrella shield a group of people from the rainbow (the rainbow is often a symbol of being gay etc), I would like to say it's actually the opposite. I am all for the LGBT community. I hadn't even realized people might think my artwork was homophobic until my brother had pointed it out to me.

Alright I'm gonna go relax, bye!

(By the way, please don't comment something like 'you support gays so you must be gay!!!' No, I'm not gay. Just because I support animal rights doesn't make me an alpaca.)

How is everyone?

Hello everyone! 

How is everyone doing?

So long time no post, and I am so sorry. 

However, school has really been getting the best of me, back when I started this blog (about 1 1/2 years ago), I had much more free time because summer was coming around and I thought (for whatever reason) I could manage about four blogs at once. Obviously they weren't all updating, some were roleplay, some were just tests. It varied. I was completely exhausted. I couldn't keep up with school, my grades dropped, I barely updated, and I missed out on a lot of sleep!

But anyway, that's not what I'm here for at the moment. 

I'm here to tell you, looking back at this blog, at all the 'drama' two years ago, it was really stupid. 

I mean there were times that I was really hurt, like the post 'Behind the 4evea: Why Can't I be Wanted?" (I deleted so don't waste your time looking for it!), when I made that post I was really feeling down in the dumps and I cried for ages about it. 

But looking at the time when one of my irl besties and I argued because I wouldn't play a game with her was really dumb.  Last night I was on a skype call with whatwhat550/nebuladust/mintypawprints and we laughed about a lot of stupid things that we(mostly me) wrote about on here. I used to get upset about the smallest things, and make a big deal about everything, now-a-days if I had a friend like how I used to be I would probably drop them because who has time for someone so negative!? Scratch that, I would tell my self it gets better. o3o

Looking back at a lot of these posts also made me upset, because a lot of them I wrote when I still talked to some of my really close, good online friends. It really made me realize how much I miss them and SkyClan. I really do miss heidei, and rileyri62, mobeymonkey and so many other clanmates but I have doubts I will ever talk to them again. Even if I we do talk again, it probably won't be the same because we've really drifted and it hurts me to think about that. I'm a whole lot rarer than I was once, but they're just pixels and if I could, I would trade my items for my friends back any day.

Anyways that's all I really have to say at the moment. 

Alrighty, bye everyone! c: 

(btw if you want to contact me you can go check email me at katniss.heiswe@gmail.com, search for Kimberly Sinn on youtube, kik me at wolfyperson or jonhlockinletardis, or just comment below!) 

OMG LEAF ME ALONE I H8 U

I am not okay

I am dead inside

My soul is corrupted

I tried to eat my own feet

All my friends hate me

I cant speel right

I am sad.

Will anyone help me?

Please.

All I need is a friend.

(OMG AND LIKE BTW I AM LIKE SO MAD AT MY FRIENDS AND IM SAD AND LIKE I DON LIKE U WOLFS4EVEA YOU MADE ME EAT MY HAMSTER CRI)

GO AWAY -SOB-.

CRRRIII