There was no 5.
Let me rephrase that, there was no 'Behind the 4Evea #5.'
Well, it's not available to you anyway.
I started writing it, then stopped. I was going to continue but then I decided I need to vent.
I needed to vent about how my friends hurt me.
Not how I am a bad friend.
Its tittle was 'You don't wanna be my friend,' it was suppose to explain what I terrible person I am.
But I'm not that terrible, I'm human so I have my good days.
But my bad days aren't aloud to be exposed.
My friends love to toy with my emotions. Without realizing I am the one who is paying the price. Yes, that's right, my friends call me things I wish they didn't and say/do things that result in my pain. Thanks guys. I have two friends who physically abuses me, seriously. They slap and hit me freely as if it's nothing, even when I tell them to stop.
But that's not the bad part.
'Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt.'
What a lie.
Words cut much deeper than you'd think.
I'm known as the negative, because apparently 'I rain on their parades.'
Well, one one friend does that, and she might possibly be the worst.
I'm just pointing out the facts two thirds of the time and somehow that ruins everything.
To her anyway.
To be honest, she always rains on my parade.
For example,
I unexplainably want to go to the dance tomorrow.
But I can't thanks to her.
I told her that I MIGHT not be going because it's on the same day my mom gets home from her business trip.
I have an extremely strong bond with my mom so I also wanted to go to dinner with her, but I knew she wouldn't mind if I went to the dance since I never went to the ones before.
And then when I asked her about it she told me that none of our friends were going, crushing my chance of my other friend and I getting tickets. They might be selling tickets tomorrow but chances are no one will bring money and I'll be the only with any money for a ticket.
And then everytime I make a drawing I'm proud of and I DON'T want critiquing on she goes ahead and points out my flaws.
I'm sorry, I don't remember asking for your opinion on it. Besides can you do any better? No?
Yea, thought so.
Now, back to that other topic, 'I can't have bad days.'
It's only okay if friend1 is mad and not me and my other friends. Nope. And when I am having a crappy day I'm forced to 'be happy.' What if I don't want to?
Last Monday when I had to make muffins for a class and my group worked into break I was pretty pissed off because I needed to do stuff in break and when my friends asked me where I was I didn't want to reply so I told my friend-the only one who has to same interests as me-to shut up. And she was completely shocked.
Yes, I understand I shouldn't have said that and it was uncalled for but friend1 almost always says shut up and no one gets upset about that.
I only have 1 friend who doesn't toy with my feelings and I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually like me so that doesn't help.
A few weeks back, I had cried at the end of school and I explained but none of them understood.
The next day we went to see a movie and it didn't matter.
They probably assumed I was okay, but honestly I wasn't.
You think I'm going to cry one day about all the things that were piling up on me and cry and then suddenly have the weight lifted?
No, that didn't happen.
Yes, sometimes I tear up for no reason, but sometimes I'm just sad, okay?
Sometimes your words and gossip hurts, okay?
Sometimes your shitty behavior results in my pain, okay?
Sorry for being an anti-social freak but it's just part of who I am.
Fucking worst friends ever.