What it's like being ace/aro

Hello everyone. I've wanted to write this for like forever and I might as well get it over with. 

So recently realized I was ace/aro. If you don't know what that means it's fine. This isn't what I would call a 'mature' topic, so I think all the kiddies can enjoy this too. 

Ace is short for asexual. Aro is short for aromantic. 

When I say 'asexual' I'm not referring to how I reproduce, I'm talking about my sexuality.  

Asexual means not feeling sexual attraction, and aromantic means not feeling romantic attraction. (Quick tip: never assume just because someone is aseuxal it means they're aromantic, vise versa.) 

Before I share what it feels like to be me, I'm just going to explain what it was like prior to this. 

So ever since I was a young 'un I never really had a crush on anyone. I remember people asking me 'who's your crush?' and just being unsure what to say, and typically just answering whoever my friends liked or who was popular. I also remember lots of confusion around my sexuality recently. For a long time I figured I was pansexual, but just hadn't found anyone I liked yet. Then I decided that I wasn't ready to label myself, and for that period of time I was so confused because I wasn't sure why I never had crushes before. At first I decided I was just a late bloomer, however I realized that couldn't be the case and I felt so terrible. The questioned lingered- what's wrong with me?.

Only a few months ago I learned the terms ace/aro, and instantly I felt soooo glad. There were others like me.

Now here's the thing about identifying as ace/aro. People have a tendacy to say and ask things that are super hurtful. For example, the day I came out as ace/aro, and I told one of my best friends they instantly replied with 'don't worry you'll like boys when you're older', which isn't an uncommon thing for me to hear now that I'm openly ace/aro. I find this so offensive, because it's like you're telling me my sexuality isn't real and it's just a phase that I'll pass though, and even if it was, it's so rude to say that to someone! Plus I'm not worried, I'm happy I know my sexuality. Imagine how you'd feel if I went up to you and you were happily married or whatever and I said 'it's just a phase, you'll get over it don't worry!!' I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be happy with me saying that so don't say it to me.

For whatever reason, when I came out as ace/aro it was seen as annoying as I kept embracing it, and I was told 'it's okay, you're not different because you're not straight.'
Another thing I hear a lot is asexuality/aromantic isn't 'real' or you can choose to be asexual/aromantic. I personally can't understand why anyone would want to be ace/aro. Especially in a world like today where pretty much everyone is focused on romances. And telling me my sexuality isn't real is so hurtful because that makes me feel so alone and isolated. No matter what you say about my sexuality being false, it's nice for me to have a word because I can find other people who feel the same and I can talk with them and feel not isolated.

Speaking of feeling isolated, one thing I would really appreciate is representation. This isn't just exclusive to people who are ace/aro, this really goes for everyone in the LGBTQA community. This is so important because it lets people know that it's not weird to identify as anything besides straight/cis, and it helps you not feel alone/different if you identify as anything besides straight/cis. I don't care if only 0.01% of the population is part of the LGBTQA+ community. Seriously.

Another thing that pisses me off SO MUCH when talking about this topic is when people say that the 'A' in LGBTQA stands for ally. (An ally is someone who is not LGBTQA but supports them). The A stands for multiple things but one thing it does not stand for is ally.  Allies are not oppressed, in fact if you're straight/cis you're privileged so stop complaining. It's great that you support us, however part of being an ally is accepting you don't get a letter.

Lastly, why are critics saying some characters in shows/movies who are queer/not cis for 'no reason'. That just enforces the idea that being cis/straight is the default, which by the way, is really damn offending. It also solidifies the idea that just average/normal people can't be anything but straight/cis.

Sorry this post isn't too organized. I've been working on this post for quite a bit & I am really not in the mood to edit this too much, thanks.

~Wolfs4evea
(Might continue my ranting in a part two)

The aftermath of a toxic friendship...

A few years ago I was friends with this girl (we'll call her H), and although I didn't realize it at the time it was a toxic relationship.

A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship. It doesn't necicarly have to be like hitting or whatever, but if the person is always putting you down and using you it's probably a toxic relationship. 

I'm just going to quickly summarize what it was like at the time and then go into how it's still affecting me today, despite the fact that it's been 3 years. 

So when I was friends with H she really used me. And was power hungry, forcing me to go with her and bully my friends (I regret that so much and hate myself for ever even doing that), and not only that she seemed convinced it was a good idea to make me feel absolutely terrible. I remember there was a point in my life that when I got home I would cry because I hated what happened to me. I also remember her getting tired of me after awhile, and replacing me. (I should have realized she did this earlier, but she's the kind of person you just really want to be friends with so I was blinded). H just happened to want to be extremely popular and at the time, and shunned me whenever I tried to object, and even made me follow certain dumb trends. 

Basically what I'm saying is she was mean to me and my other friends, forced me into doing things I didn't want to do and made me feel worthless.

Now here's the aftermath.

Whenever I'm around her, I start panicking. I feel lightheaded, my breathing becomes uneven, I feel sick, I can't focus and just in general it's a terrible experience. Even being around her new friends makes me feel this way, and even when I'm not around them I remember their remarks and feel panic-y.

And this is why I hate 'forgive & forget', 'don't hold grudges' or any other term of the sort, because sure it's good to let things go or forgive, however I can't just 'forget' this. This doesn't just apply to me, it applies to anyone in a toxic/abusive relationship. These sayings are unfair and assume they haven't scarred you.

Now before I go, please please PLEASE ǝsɐǝld NEVER STAY IN A TOXIC/ABUSIVE RELATION!!!! Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise! It's doesn't matter if it's just a friendship or you're dating, NEVER EVER EVER EVER! stay in an abusive relationship.
PLEASE!!!

~wolfs