._. i'm depressed

I have some bad news.

More for me personally than for you/whoever is reading this.

Last weekend I was feeling really bad about something I've been feeling for years but I've only just recently decided to tell someone.

I first told my best friend last Saturday, who believed I should tell someone (professional), so I decided to speak with the school counselor. The following Monday I left a meeting request for the counselor, she didn't get back to me until Wednesday morning. 

I told her how I felt. 

I said that life felt pointless, and how I didn't want any part in it (I sorta talked about this in my last post).

And then she told me the sorta shocking bit. The school counselor said 'Depression is like the common cold of metal health.' and then she gave me a basic lesson about depression, concluding I was probably depressed.

I've been feeling this way since I was in the 2nd-ish grade. 

The school counselor encouraged me to tell my mother, as she and my mom are good friends (my mom helps out at the school often so everyone knows her).

So I did, that afternoon right after school- here's the thing though, she didn't care/understand.

This didn't bother me much other than the fact that I brought up that I'd probably had anxiety (I've noticed I have all of the signs and I tend to be anxious about literally everything.)

I was hoping she would get me some help or take me to a doctor or whatever, but she just said she probably had anxiety too. 

And then I went through this vicious cycle when I went back to thinking 'life is pointless, so what does it matter' which lead me to suicide. 

You might think that suicide would make me feel bad when I start to worry how my death would effect my family/friends/etc, but for years now I haven't felt love/compassion, sadness/pity/empathy/etc. 

Basically, if someone close to me died, I honestly wouldn't feel bad/sad.

._. I got side tracked I'm sorry guys. 

bye

~wolfs4evea